Find Your Wings

Every once in awhile I hear a song that just touches me deeply in some way. This one just happens to be the song of the moment for me. I am not sure if she is the first one to sing it but the version I am familiar with is sung by Sheila Walsh. She just happens to be one of my favorite Christian singers. She is an awesome author and speaker as well. This song says everything I want to say to my sons. I have not found the audio version of it to upload to my playlist as of yet but I wanted to type in the lyrics for you to read. Enjoy.

It's only for a moment that you are mine to hold.
The plans that Heaven has for you will all too soon unfold.
So many different prayers I'll pray for all that you might do.
But most of all I want to know you're walking in the truth.
And if I never told you,
I want you to know,
That as I watch you grow,

I pray that God will fill your heart with dreams.
And that faith gives you the courage to dare to do great things.
I'm here for you whatever this life brings.
So let my love give you roots and help you find your wings.

May passion be the wind that leads you through your day.
And may convictions keep you strong and guide you on your way.
May there be many moments that make your life so sweet.
Oh, but more than memories

I pray that God will fill your heart with dreams.
And that faith gives you the courage to dare to do great things.
I'm here for you whatever this life brings.
So let my love give you roots and help you find your wings.

It's not living if you don't reach for the sky.
I'll have tears as you take off, but I'll cheer as you fly!

I pray that God will fill your heart with dreams.
And that faith gives you the courage to dare to do great things.
I'm here for you whatever this life brings.
So let my love give you roots and help you find your wings.

And Then I Blinked Again.......

My baby turns six today! It is so hard to believe that 6 years have passed. How did that happen?
Six years ago today I woke up knowing that I only had a few hours until I held my new son. Due to our living in a rural area, our hospital does not allow v-bacs so I had a scheduled c-section. I spent the morning relaxing with Little Man knowing that it would be the very last time that he would be my only child. My Honey and I left for the hospital at 10 in the morning. I was scheduled for a noon c-section but due to a few emergencies at the hospital I was pushed back. They began prepping me around noon and then I waited until nearly 1:30 to be taken to the OR. I was very nervous!!! Thankfully, everything went smoothly and at 2:11 in the afternoon my baby boy was born. He was a healthy 7 pounds and 11 ounces. He had a head full of blond hair! That was a surprise. Today he has a head of dark brown hair just like the rest of the family. He was perfect.
A few hours later, my mother brought Little Man to meet his new baby brother. He sat down in a chair in the room and my mom placed Muffin Man in his arms. He took one look at him and in the most adorable voice said "OH! He is my BEST brother!" It was just about enough to make me cry. He was smitten with him from minute one. I have a picture of the two of them at that moment that is one of my favorites to this day. After about an hour of visiting my mom was preparing to take Little Man back home. She told him it was time to leave and he asked "What about Muffin Man?" My mom explained that Muffin Man needed to stay at the hospital and Little Man got this horrified look on his face and said "We have to leave him here? But we just got him!" We all laughed. After a bit further explanation that I was staying with him and we would both be home in a day or two he was OK.

From minute one Muffin Man was so different from Little Man. Little Man had been my lazy nurser. He would slowly nurse, taking little cat naps along the way and was content to be held all day long. Muffin Man was my efficient nurser. He was all business, filling his tummy as fast as he could and then fussing until I put him down. He never wanted to be cuddled or fall asleep in my arms. I can count on my fingers the number of times he actually let me rock him to sleep. Each of those times is precious in my memory. Little Man was rolling over by 4 months and crawling by six. Muffin Man was content to just lay there and let life be brought to him. He never did anything until he was good and ready. As an example, Muffin Man did not even roll over until he was 10 months old! But then a week later he was walking! He had few words to say until he was nearly 2 but then he started talking in sentences. Little Man was interested in the potty chair around 18 months and was at least sitting on it and occasionally managing to put it to use. Muffin Man never even tried to potty train for me until his 3rd birthday. On that day he suddenly announced that he was 3 and a big boy. That day he potty trained and never had an accident after that! Everything Muffin Man does is like that. He doesn't do anything until he is good and ready and once he is ready he just does it and never looks back. He amazes me with this personality trait every day!

Muffin man in my comedian. He is so funny and he can make me laugh all day long. He loves to be the center of attention. He is my academic child. He has always been more interested in letters and numbers and using his little VTech computer than with action figures or cars. He has become a bit more of a cuddle muffin as he has grown older. He will now climb onto my lap and ask me to tickle his back or rub his tummy but he still doesn't like to just cuddle up and be held the way Little Man does. I treasure the time that he does spend in my lap because it is not often. He loves school and picks things up quickly. Once I explain a concept to him he pretty much remembers it. He LOVES bugs and frequently saves them from certain death at the paws of our cats. His favorite bugs are pincher bugs. We almost always have a jar with a few in it. I have yet to have figured out how to keep them alive for him. He is a very active child and has the attention span of a flea. LOL! He wears me out totally and love him to bits!

I was thinking the other day how with 18 being the age of legal adulthood, Little Man is 1/2 way to adulthood and Muffin Man is 1/3 of the way there. This seems so impossible to me. There is so much I want to teach my children and I just do not know if I will have enough time! Once again, I pray that God will lead me in my parenting and help me to teach them what is important. I pray that someday Muffin Man will know how much I love him and see how every decision I make on his behalf is based on that love. I pray that he will become a happy, productive adult and that he will not make the same mistakes I have in life. I pray that I can improve as a parent evey day. I pray for patience and wisdom.

Thank you Lord for the beautiful gift you gave me when you gave me my sons. Please help me to honor You each day as I raise them. Please allow me to learn the lessons you wanted me to learn from them, I know there are many.

Nine Years In The Blink Of An Eye!

My first born son turns 9 today. How did that happen? It seems like only yesterday that I was having my last OB check and being told nothing was happening and to come back next week. The very next morning things started happening. I woke at 6:30 to severe abdominal cramping. Because I had been suffering from constipation during the latter part of my pregnancy I was sure I just needed to poop! I had just been at the Doctor's the day before, after all, and he had told me that NOTHING was happening. Besides, these didn't feel like "The Book" said they should. I sent My Honey off to work and settled myself in the bathroom and waited for "it" to pass. LOL! A bit later I decided that "it" needed a bit of help and gave myself an enema. Let me tell you, it is no easy feat for a 9 month pregnant woman to give herself an enema. Sheesh! I can barely reach "back there" when I am not pregnant! The enema had zero results. I was in so much pain and there did not seem to be any timing to the cramping. They did not come on slowly or have evenly spaced periods of rest between them. It was just constant cramping. My SIL called me and with her well earned wisdom (she has 4 children) told me I was in labor. I disagreed. I continued to alternate between the tub, the toilet, and the floor, determined that I just really needed to poop! I did this until until almost 9am, when I could no longer take it, then called My Honey and asked him to come home. I was still sure I was just constipated but I was in enough pain that I was willing to take a trip to the hospital to be checked out. It was difficult to get down the stairs to the van and once inside I put the seat all the way back with my feet up on the dash. My Honey kept telling me "You better not push out the windshield!" Apparently my feet were touching the windshield. Who knew? I just knew he needed to drive faster and screw the windshield! We arrived at the hospital and they quickly had me in a room. I asked to use the bathroom before they hooked me up to any wires or checked me and lo and behold.....my mucus plug came out. Hmmm? Maybe this WAS the real thing! When they checked me I was already at 5 cm. WOW! Who'da thunk it? By noon I was up to 10 cm but my Little Man was in distress. He was crushing his umbilical cord and his heart rate was dropping dangerously low. I am ever thankful for my oblivious state at this point in time. It seems that everyone else in the room knew how dire the situation was except me. Later my mom told me how my OB had run out into the hall and demanded to have an operating room cleared for me. She said that there had been a woman on her way in for a scheduled c-section that they actually brought back out so they could take me in. My sister, who was in the room with me told me that the anesthesiologist had a syringe full of meds behind his back ready to knock me out if needed. They were prepared to do an emergency c-section right then and there. Thankfully, my OB and a few nurses were able to adjust Little Man's position and mine enough to get his umbilical cord free and his heart rate back up. They also gave me a shot which stopped my labor completely. At that point, having managed to get my little guy out of the danger zone, the decision was made to allow him and me to rest for a bit. As long as he was doing well we could avoid a c-section. My rest ended up lasting quite a while and my contractions did not return full force until late afternoon. Since Little Man seemed to be doing much better my OB allowed me to start to push. I pushed my heart out for nearly 2 hours. My OB asked me several times if I wanted to stop and go for the c-section. Little Man just did not seem to want to make his entrance. I was so determined to have a vaginal birth and I was grateful that my OB was doing everything in his power to allow me just that. But after 2 1/2 hours of pushing my OB finally told me that enough was enough. Little Man was beginning to show stress again and I was exhausted! At 7:30 pm we headed into the OR and Little Man was born at 7:47 pm. He was just perfect! I was disappointed to have had a c-section but grateful to have a healthy baby boy. After his birth we were able to see just why he would not come out. He had a huge bruise and lump on his forehead. It seems he had his head hyper extended and was trying to emerge face first instead of crown first. I guess he just wanted to see where he was going.

Since that time he has been such a joy to me!
He is my lover child. He loves to cuddle up on my lap and just talk.
He is my sensitive child. He often is concerned for other's welfare.
He is my strong willed child. He likes to be right and loves to have the last word.
He is my inquisitive child. The questions from him NEVER cease.

I cannot imagine life without him. I can hardly remember what my life was like before him. He was the answer to my prayers and my greatest dream come true. For my entire childhood I always wanted to be a mother. I had a few short periods when I wanted to be "The Tooth Fairy" or a teacher but my real dream was to be a mother. The most awesome part about it is that all three of those dreams came true!
I will be honest and admit that my reality is not exactly like my dreams. The job is MUCH, MUCH harder than I ever could have imagined. But the rewards are greater as well.

Nine years! Half way to an adult! How can that be? I wish I could turn back the clock and start over. There are already so many things I would do differently. I know I have already made mistakes. Sometimes I ask God "Why did you give this precious, little life to me?" I know there are other women out there who are more patient, more consistent, more organized, more attentive,.....just MORE! But I know that God does not make mistakes. In His infinite wisdom He chose me! I pray that I have not already screwed up too badly. I pray that Little Man knows how much I love him. I pray that someday he will understand my shortcomings. I pray that God will mold me into EXACTLY the mom that my Little Man needs. I pray that I can teach him and expose him to all that he needs to know to have a wonderful, productive life. I pray that even in 9 more years, he will still be my Little Man who loves to cuddle up on my lap and just talk.

I love you Little Man! Happy 9th Birthday!

Tears....:(

It is with sadness that I report that my female mantis has passed away. After my last update, I waited anxiously to see if she would make an egg case. After two weeks of waiting I made the decision to put the male and female together again, thinking that it had not "taken" the first time. Almost immediately the two hooked up and stayed that way for a good 24 hours. When they finally separated I moved the female back into her own cage. It was at this time that I noticed that she had a sizable hole in the side of her abdomen right about where the head of the male would have been while he was with her. Apparently the male was snacking on her during mating. :( From everything I have researched and read, I have not yet once found anything that mentions the male eating the female during mating. It is always the other way around. It was this past Friday that I discovered her injury and she fought and held on until late this afternoon, 5 full days. I feel rather silly about how sad I feel over the death of an insect but she was beautiful and I have so enjoyed watching her grow. The boys were quite sad as well. She will be missed.
So all of this to say that we will not be seeing our life cycle project go full circle after all. It has been an exciting and awesome journey. The boys have already asked if I will buy a new egg case and do it all again next year. We will have to wait and see.

July 4th

It seems that every year on July fourth I am on a mission to find the perfect location from which to watch the fireworks display. All the usual places around town offer a great view but there is simply NOTHING like being directly underneath the display and feeling the ground shake beneath you. I experienced this twice prior to having kids, once in El Segundo where they put on an AWESOME fireworks show and you can lay right in the middle of the streets around the center town park and look up at the display, and once at Torrance Park when I was a kid. Thus far, I have not been able to replicate that experience for my kids and although they enjoy watching the show each year, they really have never been in AWE. That changed this year. First off, we did something that we have never done before. We bought a few fireworks in Las Vegas and brought them home to do here in our own yard. Due to ALL fireworks being illegal here, we have never had them at our disposal. This year My Honey just happened to return from a business trip on the 3rd of July and he flew into Las Vegas. On his way out of town he stopped at a corner stand and bought a few sparklers and fountains. The kids thought this was the coolest thing ever! Muffin Man was afraid of the sparklers at first but once he got the hang of it he would have done them all night if we had not run out. The following night we drove down to Laughlin, to the Avi Resort and Casino. I had heard they give a GREAT show so we thought we would check it out. We we able to get a nice spot on the grass along the river. They shoot the display off from the opposite side of the river and the river is not all that wide in this area. Essentially, they explode right over your head! Oh My Goodness! For the first time ever, The boys were mesmerized! Little Man kept saying the ground was shaking and Muffin Man did not once ask if it was almost over! The whole thing was choreographed to patriotic music and it was just beautiful. I am so glad we decided to make the drive and I know that we will head up there again for future July 4th celebrations. I have included a number of pictures. There are a few of the boys both at home doing sparklers and at the river with the obligatory $5 glow sticks, and a few shots of the fireworks themselves. I was just playing with my camera to see how they would come out and some of them are really beautiful. Anyway, enjoy and God Bless America!